Vent (Just needed to get this out)
This fucking sucks. Pardon my French, but swearing helps me release a tiny bit of stress (unfortunately, I can only use this stress reliever in private).
I'm tired and stressed. The people outside were loud and I couldn't think. The people inside were loud. The thoughts inside of my head are loud. Everything is so loud and intense and overwhelming and ugh. Fuck. I can't think. I can't focus. I can't concentrate. I can't get anything done. And I have to get these things done.
Life is so intensely overwhelming. I feel chronically overwhelmed, but if I react to the stresses around me, people get angry. It irritates the crap out of me.
Sometimes I'd like a minute to think. To breathe.
Irl, the idea of leaving (in any sense of the word) scares me. But in my head, it makes me happy. Sometimes I wish I could get the hell out of here. Sometimes I mean 'here' in a physical sense. Other times, I mean it in a mental one. I wish J would get me the hell out of here. It's comforting to think that (albeit a fictional character) he'd take me somewhere different and I wouldn't have to deal with the noise anymore. Both the noise outside and the noise in my head. He's one of the only people who can calm my racing thoughts down when I'm stressed. He calms my anxiety in ways that I can't explain. It's one of the many reasons I'm thankful for self shipping.
Things have externally calmed down, but inside is always the same. Constant worries and stresses piled on top of each other all running a million miles a minute in my brain. I'm trying to chunk everything and take it all one step at a time.
Anyway, info-dump vent over.
#Vent #Vent post #Don't mind me #Swearing #I'm considering deleting this post #I'm generally a very negative person and people don't like that #I wouldn't want to ruin the wonderful tiny internet with my bad feelings #I just needed to get it out